Start of Treatment

11/23/19-Uprooting Life as We Know It Again, I'm not over how DUMB this all is. I'm mad, frustrated and pissed off that I am missing the "normal" part of my life.  Today we packed up everything in my house. I had some amazing friends there to help me and we got three years of stuff packed up/thrown away/donated. It kind of felt good to get rid of some stuff. Mom had to say a few times, "you know you don't NEED to get rid of everything", but it was kind of therapeutic. Again, controlllll. We went out and had a great time that night!! SO. MUCH. FUN. The rest of the weekend We continued packing and getting everything taken care of around the house. And making sure we had fun along the way! We got home lateee on Monday night and ended up leaving our checked luggage because mom and I did not have the patience for waiting for the belt that kept not working! LOL 11/26/19-SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS Today was a big day. I met with my oncologist. When we left there I felt VERY discouraged. I felt like we were kind of losing hope. I've always been an emotional person (duh), but I've been overthinking everything and everyones tone more than ever! Since this has spread to my liver, we are going to have to take care of that first and get the spreading under control.  When I asked when we would do surgery, I was told that we weren't worried about that right now. Overthinking me thought "great, it's too late to even worry about getting any surgery." WRONG-It is NOT too late, we just need to get this evil disease under control before we can do surgery.  So, I will be going through chemo and all that for a while before we can consider surgery. I felt better once that was clarified! I got the shot today to temporarily shut down the ovaries, which produce estrogen, so that we can stop feeding the cancer. This will hopefully stop spreading. Then in two weeks I will start on oral chemo and hormone therapy. Funny part of this shot, she literally told me to pull my pants down and bend over the chair... DAYUM these nurses have no respect! Always making jokes I said, "you don't want to take me to dinner first?!" She reminded me she did in fact, ask if I wanted a snack when I got there! LOL.  The saddest part about this day was when the doctor told me there is not a cure for cancer that has spread to the liver. I will be taking meds for the rest of my life in order to keep this under control. After many tears, Kim and mom made me feel better knowing that many people have diseases like that. I should've known that, but it's hard to keep feelings in check. Thankfully, there is treatment and I'll be undergoing all of that (of course)! AND... who knows how far medicine will come in the next few years. I have become SO educated in the medical field in a very short amount of time.  Then I went to get blood work done, got my flu shot (because I'm normal), and got a liver biopsy.  During my liver biopsy, I was very nervous. I remember during the biopsy, I looked down. BAD IDEA! There was a huge ass needle chillin in my stomach. I asked the doctor "is there a needle in me because I feel kind of uncomfortable". He said, "yeah you definitely don't need to look down". Well I couldn't help myself. Thank god I had some drugs to keep me from really passing out. OMG... "Don't look"... as if she thinks thats going to make me NOT look. We got home and I've felt more positive knowing that now SOMETHING has started and we're getting this under control and starting to make headway. I know this is not going to be a cheerful road, but I know that there will be good times, there will be bad times and after all this is over, there will be GREAT times like there always has been. I will continue living my normal life. I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT GO TO THE DOCTORS FOR MORE THEN 24 HOURS!!!! I don't have to go back for a WHILE. woop woop! 11/28/19-Thanksgiving Ran in the Turkey Trot this morning which gave me a wonderful time to freeze my ass off and reflect-- Ya know... I'm about to write something that most people probably don't want to hear, but will understand that it's just a thought, not a real feeling... HOW. THE. HELL. Are you supposed to be thankful when the last year of your life has kinda been a shit storm?! But... In reality, I'm thankful for a lot... I'm thankful I still get signs from Dad, even when he's not physically here. I'm thankful for all of my amazing friends and family. I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful for feeling good! I'm thankful that this is all happening in a time and place where medicine is so advanced and continuing to advance. I'm thankful that I'm young and strong enough to handle this BS. I'm thankful for good food and good wine AND good beer! And most of all, I'm thankful for every up and down in life because they really do make each of us who we truly are.  I'm sure some of you think I'm bluffing, but I'm serious... Even in the darkest of times, you HAVE to take time to find the positives in life and endure them with a smile and know that not even the best times last forever, so the worst times sure as hell can't last forever. Another family member (Zoe) got a tattoo to show her support for me and showed me at Thanksgiving. I will NEVER ever understand how I got so blessed in this life. (Not-so-little) Little Sam Heck told me all about a friends family member who went through the oral chemo I will start soon. They had AMAZING results from this pill and he truly made me feel better. If anyone has positive stories they want to share about cancer treatment I'm always SO happy to hear of them! (Thanks everyone who already did reach out!) Thankfully--Updates won't be as long because now I'm undergoing treatment and not spending my whole life in the doctors office! Looking forward to all the exciting times I have coming up over the next month 😊 CHEERS xoxo 🍻